JARRED'S BACKSTORY (not all facts are checked)

     So we all know who Jarred is. But do we all know his backstory? His childhood fears and what made him turn into the selfie taking half-monkey man.


      Jarred was raised in a poor Ugandan town. Which he was later adopted by Mr. and Mrs. Schwab and ate popsicles. The End.

Funny Memes!

 

A Quote From Jarred: "The hole is too big for a plug."

    That's deep man. Deep. So deep I can't even see you anymore. And you thought the Jarred Trend was over. Well it's still going. Just like mustaches. Yay for mustaches! Anyways so the Jarred Trend is still going strong. Although sometimes, you just have to believe that the Trend that you started based off your tire guy will still keep going. So I have a proposition. We make Jarred a superstar. Okay, I know what your thinking, "Oh God, I'm not making a 'Free Jarred' picket sign." Well that's not how we're going to make Jarred a superstar. Jarred doesn't even need freeing. Jarred probably needs a bigger salary than freedom. I just thought of something I'm going to do to his picture:

    Why am I laughing so hard at this photo? I don't even know. But- OH MY FREAKING GOD, THAT'S HYSTERICAL! Repeat process like twelve times. I designed this picture in a library. Yeah, people stared and probably wondered why I was trying to cover up my laughter. OMIGOD! But I'm just hysterical. I love this picture so much. And now I'm listening to a cover of Anna Sun by Walk The Moon and the cover is by Joey Graceffa. And it's pretty good. I know what I should do when I have my crap sorted. A picture designer. Obviously. Because I'm so good at it. You're reading a pro's work.


So yeah. Bye.

Copyright Natalie Jones of Awesome Picture Editing LLC.

PULLING A JARRED!

    Hey guys! So lately I have been posting about Jarred. The. Tire. Guy. Who is like my best friend ever now. We look like dis.




Yeah we PB&J cause that's just how we roll. Anyways the title is "Pulling a Jarred". Now I came up with this phrase no matter what anyone says. Now "Pulling a Jarred" is when you do something stupid or you fail. So this phrase should be used. A lot. So yeah. Jarred and I are like best friends and no one can ever make our friendship fail.
 

North Korea eat a snickers. You get a little nuclear terroristic when you're hungry...

     As most of you know, N. Korea has been making threats about nuclear bombs and weapons, for a while and it's all thanks to this guy:




oops wrong guy





That's better.


How to explain what the hell is going on with North Korea gangster style.


Yeah, so this dawgs paps went kaboom then this little sh*t took ova. Now he be makin threats to everwhere. Like in da house. Threatening to make the US kablamo.


Yeah, I'm kind of tired.

k bye.

JARRED THE TIRE GUY!

   So it's been like two minutes and you know who pops into my head? Jarred. Jarred from the tire place in Oregon. Poor Jarred. So here's what happened:

    We had just left Kyra's uncle's house and we were like two blocks away. Then suddenly, we run over a glass bottle

  

    And then our tire got a huge gash in it from glass. So that's when we met him. Jarred. The tire guy. Of course Kyra's mom and her boyfriend were pissed that we had run over glass. And then he said, softly, slowly. "I can probably patch up the tire for a twenty dollar fee." We hadn't known that Jarred would make such an impact on our boring lives. But then, in a twist of fate, he says, "The gash is too big. We don't have a plug that big." That is how we met Jarred. Really met him. Understood him. Knew him. And then of course Kyra's mom's boyfriend, Rod, goes off and said. "If I can have a buddy in California and if he can fix the tire. Then I'm going to come back here and not sue (Blank) Tires, but you. Just you, Jarred." We ended up buying a used tire for 113$ dollars. And then Rod started complaining about the fact that he had to write his name, #, and address down for a warranty. Then we gave Jarred the money and left. Rod still complaining about the fact he had to write his name down. Then Jarred was the topic of conversation for like an hour. Just funny things about him. When we got home after a ten hour drive, it was like one in the morning. So the first thing I did was type in the name, "Jarred" on Facebook search bar. Then I just put in that he worked at(Blank) and he lived in Oregon and voila there he was.

What I learned about Jarred after skimming his page:
He Likes Nickelback.
He Likes taking selfies.
He liked the movie Wedding Crashers
He likes taking pictures without his shirt on.

So yeah. Me and Jarred are like this now:



And Jarred, if you read this, please make your Facebook private so people like me don't accidentally trip and fall into your life story.

'Murica Day. Even though it's the seventh today...

    Haiii guys. So as you know I went to Oregon with Kyra. And I just wanted to say:



"HAPPY BIRTHDAY 'MURICA!!!"

Some questions/complaints/rants I think I should ask/say/rant on about.

Have you ever noticed that our mascot looks like the bird version of the d-bag who takes gym class too seriously. I mean look at him.

 C'mon you know it is true. And he doesn't look much like the 'Symbol of Freedom'. He looks more like he'll peck out you're eyes for looking at him in the eye.

 "STOP IT!! I DIDN'T MEAN TO LOOK AT YOU! I SWEAR TO GOD IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! PLEASE!! I NEED EYEBALLS!!"

And that was the last we ever heard from poor one-eyed Derek.

-------------------------------Question two: Why are we so fat?

That's it. That's really the only statement.

Buh-Bye Oregon!

     Haiii guys! So yeah. I'm in Oregon with meh buddy Kyra.

     What I'm doing right now: Taking Selfies, of course!

 

I just realized how tired I look in this picture...

    Yeah so Oregon was fun. No tax! Wahoo. 

     So yeah we're leaving in like an hour to go on a twelve hour drive home. FUN! Jk.

     Questions for an Oregonian: 

     'Tf you need people to pump your gas? Are y'all incapable of pumping your gas without setting the station on fire?

      What is up with all of the circle roads? I mean your whole state is just like on twirly road.

       Why do you guys like the Seahawks? You're freaking closer to 49er territory anyway. DaFu.

       So yeah. Bye.

CLUB PENGUIN TROLL!

       Hey guys. I have created a number of CP accounts over the years. Me, being twelve makes me one of the older people on there. That and my wicked awesome sense of humor makes it really fun to screw with people on there.


       Fun things to do to confuse small children: When two penguins do hearts at each other, say, "Internet relationships aren't safe, kids." There reaction will be confused.  And if someone puts on the robber costume and says "Put your hands up!" Just reply with no, nope, no thanks, and of course, go rob the (insert name of different place than where you are now.) the (insert name of building you are in) is broke.

*Please note that you could be banned. Make an alternate penguin to do these things. Look some stuff on google. If you think it'll be funny, do it. Only please remember small children are on there. Please be at least a little appropriate.

      Try these things. They're freaking funny. Anyways, yeah.

     k bye.

Why you should pay attention in class...

       Remember in English when the classroom would suddenly become so interesting when the lesson got so boring? Maybe you should have paid attention. Maybe you did. Good for you. And now you know how to actually read a question and answer it. Correctly. For the most part. So if you are still in school. You still have a chance to not become a toats idiot! Congratulations! And for the rest of y'all, well, I'm sorry. Here are some typing fails from social media sites:
























And here is one that I saw and did a screen shot:

So yeah. Stay in school kids. 

K bye.

The Internship. Not The Internsh*t.

    Haiiii guys. So yesterday I went and saw The Internship with Kyra from Kyra's Awesome Blog. It was AWESOME.



   Honestly I do think if you are paying more than seven dollars a ticket, wait for it to come on HBO.

   Ratings from RT, Metacritic, and IMDb

   Rotten Tomatoes gave the Internship a depressing score of 35% and/or two stars.

   Metacritic gave it a 43% and/or two stars.

   IMDb gave it a 6.5 out of ten or 65% for those of you who prefer percentages.

   CNN's Review states, "The Internship was written by Vaughn and Jared Stern, and it's got little jabs of wit, like the scene in which Nick and Bill are duped into addressing a bald instructor in a wheelchair as ''Professor Charles Xavier'' (he is not pleased). A lot of the film is devoted to showing how the cult of technology and the human element don't need to be opposed; they can, and should, work hand in hand. That's a nice message (and it's certainly a swell advertisement for Google), but it's not a funny message. "The Internship" gets so caught up in healing the generational divide that it's ostensibly about — the analog dudes vs. the digital kids — that the movie ends up being just a pleasant collection of mild laughs. It needed more spin, more Googliness. Grade: B"


  My review: Two 30 something guys get fired from their jobs as pro salesmen. They discover that Google is holding an internship program for college kids. They sign up at an on-the-line (if you see the movie, you'll get the joke) college and become interns. Through series of challenges and a d-bag of a college kid, it all ends well.Very good advertising for Google, if I do say so myself. Full of humor and nerdy kids, The Internship was worth my five dollars.

My grade: B+